Stupid stuff we do

You live the wild life.  You party, you socialize, you get wasted to the point that you have trouble remembering the events of the previous night.  Your weekends are almost always spent at the club or the bar or hanging out with some new honey.  And yet...every Sunday you find yourself at church.  Uhh...what?  You spend your time doing the very things you know you should not be doing...and you know you should not be doing them but you do them anyways and you don't care...and going to church each week does not seem to be changing your behavior, since you are still doing what you know you should not be doing...so why go?  If going to church isn't changing you, then why are you going?  Just sitting there is about as valuable as sitting on your couch, only you had to get up early and put on some nice clothes to do it.  There isn't some magic holy dust that falls on you as you sit there recovering from a hangover that undoes all the bad stuff you did last night.  The idea is to hear stuff and experience stuff that changes you so that you quit doing stuff you know is wrong!  If this isn't happening, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME.  Either make a change, or stop taking up valuable parking spaces and stay home!  Don't be the kind of wanker who tries to walk the line and have it both ways - you can't and you don't. 

Speaking of parking, apparently it's ok to not be loving to other people when it comes to parking.  Apparently, and I did not know this until just a few days ago, the most important thing in the entirety of our lives is to make sure we get our cars as close to any building that we have to go inside of as we can.  It's amazing...we'll run on conveyor belts that take us nowhere, we'll ride bikes that don't move...but we won't walk 20 extra feet across a parking lot.  We'd rather make an elderly person on a walker and a breathing apparatus walk from the back of the lot than to have to do so ourselves, and we'll fight them for that front spot in the lot.  For crying out loud folks, just park the FREAKING CAR AND WALK!  Quit making me wait for 10 minutes while you let someone else back out! 

There is this commercial on TV for one of these things that you can only order by calling a phone number, one of these infomercial, home shopper kind of things...these things always bug the crap out of me.  Anyways, this particular product is a large bank that has been made to look like a railroad crossing sign.  It's a large tube, and on the top is a railroad crossing sign that flashes and toots a horn whenever you drop coins into the bank.  In the commercial, they talk about how much fun this thing is for your entire family, and they show groups of retards sitting around all day just waiting for the joyful moment when they can make their lives complete by putting a coin into this stupid, ugly looking piece of crap bank.  They get these huge smiles on their faces and have such immense reactions of surprise and glee every time they put a coin in and the stupid lights come on.  It's a bank!  You don't even play with banks...you put money in them and then, a few weeks later when your self control breaks up, you take the money back out and squander it on something meaningless.  No one has ever had fun playing around with a bank, and no one ever will...so get this STINKING commercial off the air and quit making me watch a bunch of out of work actors becoming much too excited about the prospect of hearing a "realistic train whistle" blow for the 1400th time when they plop another penny in there.

The penny should be taken out of circulation, by the way...I hate pennies and purposefully throw them away any time I get them.  You can't buy anything substantial with a penny - and by the time you get enough pennies to buy something substantial you have another problem on your hands...transporting 45lbs of them to some location that accepts them and trusts you enough to not have you count them out.  Don't bother saving up pennies either - it's the worst thing you can do to your hope.  You'll see like these massive amounts of pennies that you've saved and you'll be all excited about how much they're worth...and then after countless hours of rolling them up (so the bank will take them, because even they are not desperate enough for money to hassle with the penny) you'll look and see..."Oh great...three dollars and 34 cents...wow...that only took me 4 years to save up...glad I bothered with the hassle of making sure to save each one...yeah...that really paid off big."

"Dude, where are you going man?  We got like, you know, to head to Club WastedLife for $2 poorly mixed drinks man!"  "Sorry bro...got to get some shuteye...got to sober up a bit before Sunday school tomorrow."  "Ah yeah...forgot man...it's, you know, cool and stuff the way you get all spiritual and all..."