Sweet Freedom

Today’s blog will celebrate the freedom that we as Americans enjoy. I sincerely express my heartfelt gratitude to God for His grace and mercy and blessing. I also thank the many men and women who have fought for the freedoms we enjoy here! This is the greatest country on earth, and anyone who disagrees is either a) a blooming idiot, or b) forbidden to agree because a dictator might kill them for it. I love freedom and the kind of lifestyle I can have because of it. I like being able to do what I want, regardless of how stupid or boring or insane someone else thinks it is.

For example...I like sitting around with obscene amounts of Rocky-Road ice cream watching episodes of American Choppers that I’ve already seen several times. I like playing on my computer for so long that the muscles in my legs start to atrophy and my butt hurts. I like to eat “hot buttered Cheerios”. I like to be in nothing but my underwear and a muscle t-shirt within 2 minutes of entering my house whenever I get home from work – and yes, you can time me. I like to take a bubble bath and read Calvin & Hobbes comic boo…umm, I mean…ermmm…I like to rebuild the transmission on my 69 Shelby…yeah, that’s it…rebuild a tranny. (interesting side note for male readers – I do not recommend soaking in a tub that has any sort of vaporizing, menthol-type stuff in it…you know, that stuff that helps you breathe when you have a cold…cause it “vaporizes” the “guys” and that does NOT feel good) I like yelling at the TV and getting unreasonably upset while watching college football games. I like hating country music and NASCAR rednecks. I like being pessimistic and grouchy and anti-social. I like playing with toys. I like starting projects and never finishing them. I like making fun of people who have crappy looking websites. I like killing any bug that dares enter my field of vision (as all bugs should die and suffer eternally in hell). I like "Sunglasses at Night" by Cory Hart. I like shooting stuffed Barney dolls with my pistol when the opportunity presents itself ("Love on this, you fat tub of stuffing! YAAAAA!...") I like laughing when figure skaters fall down during a routine. I like adding vanilla and cherry flavor to all my soft drinks.

In other words, here’s a big “thank you” to all those who took part in allowing me to be the freak that I am. In any other country, I’d have been forcibly removed from the gene pool long ago…

Ok, the Cheerios…real easy to fix…melt some butter in a pan, chuck the Cheerios in there, let them soak it up…add salt…chow down. They sort of taste like popcorn, and you have the added benefit of not having kernels stuck in your teeth for months. You can thank me later.