Do you have what it takes?

Do you love having your reproductive organs sucker punched repeatedly by kid-sized fists? Do you mind answering "why?" endlessly for hours? Does wiping the butt of another human being appeal to you? Do you enjoy watching TV shows containing strange blobs of fuzzy stuff squawking out unintelligible sounds and rolling around on the floor?

If so, have your head examined...umm, I mean...WE NEED YOU! We are currently seeking bright, motivated candidates for an opening in our “Daddy” department. Those selected will find heretofore untold joy catering to a child's every whim! ("Daddy, you was SUPPOSED TO GET ME OWANGE DWINK! NOT STWAWBEWWY! I NO LIKE STWAWBEWWY")

Applicants should be married with an IQ of at least 100 and a well-developed immune system. Strong stomach and minimal gag reflex is a plus. All applicants are advised to do all the fun stuff they’ve ever wanted to do (including dates, concerts and travel) before applying for this position.

Please note that all applicants who apply for this position forfeit their right to have nice furniture and keep the walls of their house free from scuffs and scrapes.

Applicants for this position must be able to:

• Explain in detail the nuance of etiquette involved with “pooting” – i.e. that while “pooting” is a normal and natural function that is not something to be ashamed of, it is not something to be done in front of others and/or in public.

• Demonstrate proficiency removing various stains (marinara sauce, Pepsi, snot) from expensive clothing purchased just minutes ago

• Exhibit restraint under duress; for example, when asked for the 25, 467th time if a piece of chocolate may be consumed before the finishing of dinner, applicant must be able to refrain from shoving said piece of chocolate up the child’s nose.

• Function well with 4 or less hours of sleep; free themselves from the desire to sleep well on nights when there is "thunder and lightning"

• Keep tabs on the best places to eat with a child in tow; know the location of the good meal toys from fast food restaurants; map out dining facilities with crayons and loud environments.

• Retrieve French fries from hard to reach spots under car seats before they become rotten and odorous.

Salary:

Those who are accepted for this position will see an overall decrease in their net worth through a) added expenses, b) attrition of valuables through breakage and c) the purchase of larger vehicles

Benefits:

Some of the best hugs and kisses you’ve ever gotten; behavior so cute that it makes you want to puke sugar-coated strawberries; many tears of joy; a love like you’ve never experienced before; becoming younger at heart; hearing your child shout “Daddy!” when you get home

Trust me on this one folks…it’s worth it.