Political ads

I swear, the next time I hear a political ad on the radio or TV I'm going to burst a vein. Nothing ticks me off worse than having my day constantly interrupted by these over-the-top propaganda blurbs, especially considering how worthless every single politician is these days. Every time I turn on the radio, I hear something like this:

“Jimmy Johnson claims to be a conservative republican, but his record tells quite a different story. While you and I struggle to make ends meet, Jimmy Johnson has been drinking liquid gold in wine glasses made from melted silver dollars while smoking hundred dollar bills and driving an SUV that gets .5 miles per gallon. He’s voted 57 times to raise taxes by 89% on the elderly…voted twice to have laws against murder taken off the books…and last year he supported legislation that would make it illegal for you to breathe. He worked against Bob Wilson and his efforts to pass the “free money for you” program so that he could keep the money for himself to spend on anabolic steroids, gambling and lawyers fees. Jimmy Johnson fights for big oil, big tobacco and everything else that’s “big” while at the same time stealing money from homeless shelters to pay for his billion dollar mansion built on top of a sacred Indian graveyard in the middle of a wildlife refuge. The people of Alabama just can’t afford four more years of Jimmy Johnson. Vote for change this November…vote for Bob Wilson, County Coroner.”

I never knew the coroner had so much influence on the affairs of this state! I never pictured them playing into the political landscape...I guess they do more than just put make-up on dead people.

You politicians want to know what you can do for me? You can implement term limits. Right now that's the MOST IMPORTANT issue on the table, because until we get you windbags to stop thinking of how you can make a career out of politics, we'll never get anyone in office who actually considers, even for one nanosecond, what would really be beneficial for his constituents.

Now get your stinking, lying, overly-dramatic, insulting-to-our-intelligence, STUPID advertisements out of our face. Whatever it is you’re selling, we aren’t buying. You’re all pathetic, and every election we merely choose the lesser of two evils. So to the winners of this year’s election I say “congratulations”. You sucked less than the other guy. How proud your parents must be.

This ad paid for by the Jeremy Conner “Smash a Politician in the Mouth” foundation