Who needs American Idol?

Well, since they kicked the best person off of “American Idol” (No, not that stupid, no talent Chicken Little kid...I'm talking about Chris Daughtry, true rocker with a cool look that I hope to one day emulate), I have to find something else to watch now. I can’t really seem to get into “American Inventor” and am unaware of any other “American ” shows.

Maybe it’s time to debut my idea for a reality TV show – entitled “American Idiot.” The premise is that I drive around slapping stupid people who do things that no one with an IQ over 85 should do. I can see it now…

“This week on AMERICAN IDIOT…”

(Person pulls up to McDonald’s drive-thru) “Umm yeah, can you give me a minute? I’m not sure what I want.” (Enter me with a cardboard tube in hand…I begin beating said person about the head and shoulders for not knowing what they want to order at a fast food place who’s menu hasn’t changed in over 2000 years)

(Person in the checkout line at the grocery store) "Wait a second...those green peas rang up at 49 cents, but the sign said they were 47 cents. Please do a price check for me." (Enter me with a Super Soaker 2600 - the model affectionately known as "The Paint Stripper"...I begin to hose down this fool for their failure to realize that the 5 minutes they will waste getting those 2 pennies makes it a losing proposition)

(Person standing in the computer section at Best Buy) “Don’t buy a PC unless you want to get infected every day with viruses! Mac computers never get viruses! They’re so secure!” (Enter me with a twisted up wet towel in hand…I begin to redden this person's backside with a barrage of stinging pops for their failure to realize that the only reason Macintosh computers don’t have virus problems is because no one is going to waste time writing a virus for an operating system with less than 2% market share and that it has nothing to do with them being more secure.)

(Person standing in line to buy tickets to “The DaVinci Code”) “Man, I told you going to church was a waste of time! I knew they were scamming us all along. Religion is just a crutch for the weak minded!” (Enter me with a pair of Hulk Hands…I begin to deliver a series of hooks and uppercuts for this person’s unwillingness to understand what the term “fiction” means and for not bothering to do even one ounce of research on his own before building his belief system around a freaking fictional book.)

Now this sounds like some good TV!

Next week on AMERICAN IDIOT…illegal immigrants with signs saying “We’re not criminals” and the inventive ways I come up with to remind them that being illegal constitutes being a criminal.