What'cha watchin?

I am suffering major brain burnout from having several major projects going on this week and don't have it in me to do a normal post. However, I know many of you look to this blog as a source of hope and light – so I thought I’d post a few of my thoughts on some movies I’ve seen and offer you a chance to do the same.

Have any of you ever seen “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” Johnny Depp must be the guy they call when they make weird movies, because he’s in every single one. He’s good at being a quiet freak who wears oddball clothing and acts like he’s detached from reality – these are all great reasons to want to punch him in the face. Watching “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” actually made me angry – it was that stupid. Plus, I also cannot stand that little rat-boy Leonardo DiCaprio. I wish that what was eating Gilbert Grape was a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex. DiCaprio could be for dessert. I wouldn’t watch this movie again even if they were giving out gold bars to those in attendance. Sucks so hard!

It takes a really clever person to write a story about an idiot and have it end up being a great movie. Thus I give kudos to the person who wrote “Forrest Gump.” I know plenty of mentally deficient people, but they lack the charm and panache that Forrest had…a movie about them would basically consist of one hour and forty-five minutes of me slapping them upside the head with a paper towel tube. You have to love a movie that can make you laugh and cry intermittently for 2 hours. Plus, it’s a good lesson to the rest of us to see someone who thinks so simply about life also be so right about life. We “overthink” everything these days…there is a great deal of spiritual truth to be found in “Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get.”

I have seen “A Few Good Men” probably over 50 times. It is one of my favorite movies and I can’t get enough of it. I love movies based on court cases where you get to see a battle of minds in which people use logic and reasoning to try to outwit their opponent. I love to see Jack Nicholson talk smack to people. I love to see government folks get caught breaking the rules and getting punished for it, because these losers are always jamming the rules down our throat while they themselves sit comfortably above the law. Plus there are cool looking military uniforms in it and they constantly throw around top secret military government code words. Mega cool!

I hate the Austin Power’s movies, and any movie for that matter that is based on what I call “toilet humor.” You know, jokes about things that should be private, like going to the bathroom or sexual habits or anything related to the public passing of gas. This is the humor of the weak and uneducated! If as a screenplay writer the only thing you can do to get a laugh is to have a guy burp the alphabet then you need to find another occupation.

Coming Summer 2006 – 2000 Hits – one man’s journey to ultimate bliss through the repeated smacking of Leonardo DiCaprio over the head with a long-tailed cat.