Bumper stickers suck

When you see a car with a bumper sticker on it, what you must realize is that the person who placed it there wants everyone to know what they think about the subject matter contained on the bumper sticker. They put the sticker there so that everyone who sees it will realize that the driver holds whatever opinion or agrees with whatever mindset is portrayed on the sticker.

Besides the obvious fact that these stickers make your car look TERRIBLE, the question I want answered is – why do it?

Has ANYONE in the history of the world EVER had their mind changed, or been impacted in any way, by reading a bumper sticker? Even if it’s the most serious issue ever raised, has anyone ever altered anything about their lives or thoughts in response to something they read on the back bumper of a car? If not, then what is the point? Is it just to let me know what you’re thinking on the issue is? Gee thanks! I was wondering whether the random stranger in front of me is going to donate his organs when he dies…now I know.

Then you have the real winners…the bumper stickers that deal with issues so trivial and stupid that they don’t warrant any serious consideration. Let’s look at a few of the gems currently available for your viewing pleasure:

• stickers about children being on the honor roll at their elementary school



• stickers about how the person’s other car is a jet, or a fishing boat, etc



• stickers containing images of small children urinating on various car maker’s logos



• stickers warning other drivers that following too closely will result in a “booger” being flicked onto their windshield



• stickers that proclaim that you are a hunter/fisher, or having corporate logos from companies that make stereo equipment, bodywork for cars, or other miscellaneous products

Ah yes…all very important issues worthy of our attention. It’s definitely important to have a well-thought out position on whether Dodge is better than Chevy. Nothing says class like a “Calvin pissing” sticker – what a great way to reach the hearts and mind of others! And I can’t tell you how much I’ve benefited from the knowledge that, to deer hunters, “Size matters.” When you want to influence your audience, it’s good to come up with sleazy, raunchy slogans full of lewd innuendo. It’s like the mental equivalent of wearing “daisy dukes” and a tube top. What benefit we all receive from the fact that some random child did well in school! How excited we all are to finally be able to understand your passionate feelings towards the company that makes the golf balls you use…and it’s certainly going to be helpful the next time I’m wondering where you are to know that you’d “rather be fishin’”

If you spent your whole life searching the known universe to find someone who cared about your thoughts on any of these meaningless, trivial issues, do you think you’d have any success? If there’s one thing the human race has amply demonstrated, it’s that we DON’T CARE. Usually it’s a bad thing, but the knowledge of this fact just might prevent some of you sticker folks from cluttering our world up with your needless printed material. Stop wasting your money on this junk and quit broadcasting your opinions to the rest of the world.

My blog beat up your honor roll student.