Death rocks!

People say I’m a pessimistic person, but I strongly disagree. To prove it, here is an uplifting post about...death! While dying has its disadvantages, there are a few things about being dead that are pretty dang cool.

• When you’re dead stuff doesn’t bother you anymore. Death is a great way to reduce stress and lower your blood pressure. When you die, you’ll discover that things that used to “get your goat” simply won’t matter to you anymore! All the incessant worrying about healthy living, paying the bills, idiotic in-laws…it all magically disappears when you die!



• When you die, you'll never again find yourself struggling to fall asleep. Nyquil has nothing on death when it comes to helping you sleep like a baby! The really cool thing is, you don't have to set the alarm clock...no more snooze button for you baby! Feel free to sleep in!



• No more TELEMARKETERS! Unless you go to hell, you’ll never hear from any of them again!



• No more taxes! For your entire life, government takes a third of what you make so that they can fund someone’s right to use the bathroom on religious objects and sell it…but after you die, you can finally tell the IRS what you think of their 1099! I just hope they bury me with my butt up in the air. Just think...you're death might remove enough money from the system to deny some undeserving welfare recipient their latest round of handouts! And you've been avoiding death this whole time!



• You can finally quit your job! I’ve been “workin’ for tha man” for too long now…and death will finally give me the freedom I’ve wanted. Think of death as the ultimate retirement package! Plus, if your company has treated you like a new couch in a room full of angry cats, maybe you'll be lucky enough to die during the middle of a crucial project and derail it.

See! There are plenty of things to be positive about if you have the proper perspective! I haven't even listed them all! And I think I’ve safely squelched the notion that I’m not an optimist…you can keep saying it, but after reading this post it’s obvious to everyone that it’s just not true.

My glass of water is half empty and there's a fly in it...