As a cat owner, I have to wonder…what other species on this planet gets the kind of treatment that cats get?
You provide Kitty with enriched, vitamin-laden water crusted Salmon cat food and fresh bottled water (often at great cost). You buy kitty all sorts of little toys so that he is constantly entertained. When kitty gets bored with his toys, he will begin treating your furniture as his toy and clawing the crap out of it…so you hook kitty up with free drugs so that he’s sure to have a good time! (Ever find yourself looking longingly at a bag of catnip after a tough day at the office?). And when little kitty needs to go potty, well, he just goes inside the house! Sometimes he does you a favor and uses the litter box that’s filled with expensive sand crystals, and sometimes he doesn’t. Once he does his “business”, he just walks away…leaving you with a pile of smelly mess to clean up for him. And clean it up you will, because kitty won’t use a dirty litter box!
And heaven forbid kitty get sick…you will spend MEGA money having a specialized animal doctor look at him. Kitty will get the best treatment money can buy, and then you'll have to take special care of kitty when he gets back home. Don't forget to give little kitty his medicine 4 times a day! Don't cause kitty any undue stress! Remember to rub kitty's sore little kitty leg as much as possible!
For all this, what does little kitty offer you in return? The privilege of petting him! Yes, that’s right…as a show of appreciation for all you do for him, little kitty will occasionally allow you to scratch his back provided it’s a convenient time for him. Yeah, it's totally worth it. No really.
Now some of you might think that your cat loves you. Let me ask you a question: if your cat really loves you, then why does he always try to trip you up? Ever noticed that cats are always walking around and under your feet? They cut in front of your path and weave between your legs while you're walking...how many times have you nearly killed yourself trying to avoid stepping on them? The ugly truth is, they WANT you to fall down. To a cat, nothing is better than watching their owner take a nasty fall. See, cats never fall down…they’re cats and “they always land on their feet”. So the thought of someone falling is hilarious to them...especially when it's someone who claims to be a superior being. They absolutely love it when you fall down and split your head open on the coffee table or take a tumble down the stairs. And if you fall because of them, well, that's a real treat...they love that more than anything! It's their way of reminding you of their superiority.
So the next time little kitty tears the skin off your leg because you tried to pet him when he wasn’t in the mood, or leaves a little present on your couch because the diamond crystals in his litter box weren't fresh, don’t say I didn’t try to warn you…
CATS are EVIL.
9 comments:
Hmmm...How very true.. I can't stand cats to be honest, I have tried on many occasions to like them and it just does not work. I have figured out something. Since PETA has made its wonderful début in the world as the top animal activist organization, I have noticed several kinds of animals taking more chances with their lives. Example..the squirrel. Have you noticed that the squirrels today seem to sit on the side of the road until your car gets about 5 feet from them and then they run right for the front end. I am convinced that the squirrels like to see the car's swerve off the road and then once the bleeding heart in the car gets the vehicle under control (usually by landing in a ditch) they get out and immediately begin looking for the poor little squirrel which by the way is not sitting up in the tree well camouflaged from the bleeding hearts sight and folks, that squirrel is laughing his/her butt off at the stupidity. Because if you notice, when you take a walk on the road and a squirrel sees you, he will take off like a dog is after him and you are still a good 100 yards away from him, but let the car start coming towards him and he will sit up on his two little hind legs and wait for the appropriate moment. I think it is a conspiracy to get back at humans. We know that anyone in the PETA organization can't be all there upstairs because of the stupid things they do. The animals know my friend, they know that PETA is on there side and what's more, they know that if you toss them out a moving car or cause a 50 car pile up or lose your life just so they can live, you will get put behind bars for 50 years because the animals right activist will convince a judge and jury that you were out to get the poor little animal, but if you toss a baby out the window you will get a slap on the hand and get told that everyone makes mistakes. Ironically enough, I had allergy testing a few weeks ago, they tested me for 60 different things, I am allergic to 59 of the 60 things they tested for, guess which one I am not allergic to? CATS...yep, it’s a conspiracy.
Just my thoughts. Dean
Luckily the only cats I find are the ones my dog has played with. She is an Akita and has a knack for finding furry little friends in the yard, making them a ball or chew toy and enjoying them for the afternoon. She is jumping around like its xmas by the time I get home to show me her new friend, too bad it is no longer in the mood to play. lol PB
Jeremy's foundational problem is the belief he owns the cat. You must change your perspective. Although other humans will agree you own the cat, in the cat world the cats own us. They try to trip us because it's fun to watch their awkward living toys fumble around. They also like how easy it is to train a human to serve them: poo removal, fresh spring water, paid medical plan…
I have this great cartoon that has Noah standing proudly looking over the rail of the ark... backward... downward... at the 2 cats in a dingy being towed behind. -NI
i hate cats.
i really do. thanks for the post.
HATE
they are jerks. it is such a great feeling to truely hate something and not feel too much guilt about it, ya know?
....yes, it's alli shirley
Hey Alli! I couldn't agree more...hatred without guilt is a dream of mine!
From the looks of these posts, i've hit a nerve with this cat thing. Next time I'll post a video of me slinging my cat around by his tail and boost my hits by about 150 per day!
What on earth are you all talking about? You can tell a lot by someone by the way they treat animals! and I mean any animal! I would like to swing you around by your hair and see how you like it. People like you make me feel ill and are the reason why organisations like PETA are about. Have you know feelings at all?
LOL at this last comment...I'm hoping it's serious because it just made my week if it is.
Great spelling and sentence structure combined with stupid political views and an inability to have a sense of humor make comments like these pure gold!
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