Tagged?

I've seen in a few people's blogs that I've been "tagged", which I think I finally figured out means I'm supposed to put down seven random things about myself that no one knows or something.

Now I usually don't participate in these sorts of "tests" or whatever...because I'm not in high school anymore and don't like taking a pop quiz every other day to find out what kind of bodily function I most resemble (and NO, I don't want you to guess at it either...and I KNOW what most of you are thinking right now...). However, since I saw a few folks "tag" me, I'll bend my own rule just this once and put down some things about me that are, uh...unique. 

1. I obsess over smelling bad and having bad breath. In my opinion, the worst thing I could learn about myself is that I've been stinking up the joint and not even realizing it.  I can't imagine having that much of a lack of self-awareness, but then I see so many people who do and I freak out wondering if I'm like them.  I try to always have breath mints with me, and will take several showers a day if possible to make sure I don't reek and don't have "the butt breath".  The downside - my teeth will be completely rotted out within another year or two from the constant sucking on "Altoids."  This will finally complete my transformation into a grumpy old man, so it won't be such a bad thing. 
   
   
2. Remember that show "Saved By The Bell?"  Well, I used to watch it...and yes, I know how sad and pathetic this is.  I fell into a common trap - my sister used to watch it regularly, and I thought the show was so freaking stupid that I used to make fun of it every chance I could get.  How I longed to beat the ever-loving crap out of "Zach Morris", because if ever a kid needed a good beating it was him.  My hatred for the show became a religion to me, and my heavenly calling in life was to tear it down every time the opportunity presented itself.  In the process, it attached itself to me like mold on a bagel (note to self - next quiz should be "What kind of bagel are you?") and I started sort of liking it.  Well, it wasn't that I liked it, but if I was bored I'd watch it while munching on "Popcorn Cheerios" (my secret snack recipe).  I completely understand if you lose all respect for me over this admission - it's what I would do.
   
   
3. I observe everything...and people most of all.  It's fascinating to me to watch people, because you can glean so much about them from what they do and how they react to things.  If you are in the room with me, then yes...I saw what you just did.  I'm not a stalker or anything though...I don't have binoculars or any scraps of your clothing that I hug and smell all the time.  Besides, I don't think you can officially be called a "stalker" until a strategically placed dead animal comes into play.
   
   
4. Every morning, when I am in the shower, I pretend I'm on a radio talk show debating someone over some issue.  I'll pick a topic and pretend someone is interviewing me and another guest who holds a different viewpoint.  It's not just me talking either, because I'll actually throw pauses in there to let the other person respond to what I've said, and then I'll proceed to shred that argument to pieces.  My wife always tells me that I'm very quick with responses to just about any question you ask me and that I must be "quick on my fee" (which is also true), but what I tell her is that there isn't any subject you'll bring up that I haven't already debated several times in my head.  I'll also do this when driving, and I'll "wake up" and realize I'm in the parking lot at work.  It's difficult living with such a large, active brain...but I manage. 
   
   
5. I'm afraid of being bitten/stung/poisoned by bugs.  Seriously, it's completely BOGUS that something the size of a penny can inflict serious pain on a creature of my size, but it's God's call and he made it so, and my job is to live with it.  It's a stupid fear, because for the most part we're just talking about a little pain...and yet if a bee or a spider gets in my car, I'll just about wreck trying to get pulled over and get out of my car...and I won't get back in until I see the dead body of the bug.  This coming from a guy who was going to be a police officer at one time!  Bullets are ok, but a wasp sting is out of the question.
   
   
6. I always fold the waistband of my underwear over one time so that the elastic part is not actually touching my waist.  It leaves those little indentions on you and sometimes presses into your skin, so I fold it over one time and have the cotton part there instead.  I wear boxers so real estate down there is not an issue, as this strategy would not be possible if you wear "nut grabbers" (i.e. the old white underwear, "whitey-tighties", whatever)
   
   
7. Sometimes I'll look at my reflection in glass, in a room that's dimly lit, and I'll sort of scowl and pretend I'm posing for a movie poster or an album cover.  It'll be dark and you'll only really be able to see like half of my face, and my eyes will be all serious and I'll have this intense look on my face...and I'll hear the movie voice guy in my head going "A man can only take so much...before going...OVER THE EDGE" ("Over The Edge" would be the movie title, and it would be about me going nuts on some scumbags who did something really, really bad...and I'd be like, all out for revenge ninja-style)  I can make a good serious looking eyes face...I'll probably make that my new profile pic one day.

Ok, this is my first and last quiz participation...so don't "tag" me anymore!  All this sharing is making me feel like a weeny!  I mean, I just told you all that I liked "Saved by the Bell" - proof that NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS WHEN YOU SHARE!  Emotions are like Peanut M&Ms...not meant to be shared with anyone else.  Keep 'em bottled up inside of you is what I always say.  That's where they belong!