Is it just me?

This morning I ate one of these crappy “Oats & Honey” granola bar things…you know, the ones that look and taste like pressboard. Before I ate it, I was thinking to myself how awful these things tasted, and I was grumbling to myself and going “Freaking health food…I hate this stuff…(grumble grumble)…stupid thing will wind up sticking to my teeth for the entire morning…turns to cement when ya eat it!...(grumble groan)…I freaking HATE oats…oats are for horses, not humans!...GRRRRRRR!!!!”

Then, right before I went to put the stupid thing in my mouth, I bowed my head and said a quick prayer thanking God for it! After all that complaining and moaning, I just went right on and said “thanks” to God, and I even tried to act sincere about it! I was like “Thank you for this food Lord, please bless it to my body.” Now I don’t know if it was my brain or if it was God, but something inside my head went “Yeah right. You’re real appreciative aren’t ya. You think I can’t hear you?” I’m just waiting for the day when God decides to cure my lack of appreciation for His provision with a sudden and very extreme case of diarrhea.

Speaking of stuff that’s bogus…as many of you know there is a drought going on in many parts of the country. In my neighborhood, we can’t even water the yard or use outside water of any kind unless it’s within a 2 hour time span on a certain day each week. It’s been so hot and so dry that it’s almost been unbearable. People in some areas are literally praying for rain! It’s that bad!

I had forgotten that I hold the key to ending the drought.

I went kayaking this weekend, and despite the fact that it hasn’t rained in months we rafted the river in a constant downpour. Thanks. No rain all summer, and the one day I have an outdoor event it rains all day and the sun is nowhere to be found.

Those of you who know me are not shocked by this either. I have the WORST luck. I know some of you at this point will immediately go “I don’t believe in luck”, but that’s only because you haven’t met me. My wife was not a believer either, but I quickly converted her. I remember the first outdoor excursion we had together…we drove for almost 2 hours to a place called “Noccalula Falls” to do some hiking and enjoy what was a beautiful day outside. We had a picnic lunch and plenty of sunshine, and were ready for a fun, romantic outing. Then LITERALLY as soon as I opened my car door it began pouring down rain. I have never seen clouds form up that quickly. It even rained on my wedding day.

Then there was the time when my wife and I went out for my birthday. I had a certain restaurant I wanted to go to, but when we go there it had BURNED DOWN! So I decided on a second place…it was unexpectedly closed due to a computer problem. The third place we went to was a hot dog joint…I figured at the very least I’d get a chili cheese hot dog. Then the guy told me they were out of chili…so I asked for just the cheese…then he comes back to me and says “Oh, sorry dude…we’re out of that too.” I just got back in my car and went home.

So the question is, can I through simply trying to enjoy my life cause world events to shift? Can I cause bad weather? Traffic jams? Fires?

One image is burned on my brain after every trip that involves going anywhere near Chattanooga – “See Rock City!” Will someone please tell me what the heck is so exciting about this place? I mean, from the way it’s advertised on every other billboard up there, you’d think they were giving out free plutonium. I guess I have a hard time convincing myself to spend money so I can look at rocks.

We interrupt this broadcast with a special news bulletin…Rock City has been engulfed in flames and is burning to the ground. The fire appears to have started in the ticketing area where flames spontaneously leapt out of the turnstile as one park visitor attempted to enter the park…