I wonder why?

My morning ritual (outside of mornings when I go to the gym) has been the same for the last 9 years – the first thing I do when I wake up in the mornings is take a shower. And every morning, for the last 9 years, our cat has pawed and scratched at the bathroom door in an attempt to get me to let him in. Now, I have never once let him in the bathroom in all those 9 years…yet he continues to incessantly paw at the door each and every morning…which leads me to one of two conclusions about cats. One is that cats are extremely persistent, and the second is that cats are extremely stupid. I’ll leave it up to you to decide, but if it helps your decision-making process any I'll also mention that this is the same cat who repeatedly eats ribbons and string till he pukes.

So I read an article on the Internet that says Frito-Lay is altering the labels on their “Light” chips to include the fact that they have Olestra in them. Olestra is this fake fat substance that makes chips taste like they have fat in them without actually making you fat (Olestra is a type of fat that your body doesn’t digest, so it just passes through you, so to speak). One quote from the article says the following: “In approving the product in 1996, the Food and Drug Administration required companies to include a warning label on snack packages saying olestra may cause "abdominal cramping and loose stools."” Man, the things we won’t do to try to have our cake and eat it too! “I want great tasting chips, and I don’t care if I have to install a padded toilet seat to have them!” Are people really willing to endure scorching diarrhea just to avoid having to settle for regular diet chips? Just how bad do those regular diet chips taste? I personally can’t stand those baked potato chips…they taste like seasoned balsa wood…but they’d have to taste a lot worse than they currently do before I’d be willing to switch to a bag of Doritos that I know will cause “abdominal cramping and loose stools”.

Does anyone actually look at those car dealership ads in the paper? Why bother? You know that you aren’t going to get the advertised price, so what is the point? They know those “low, low prices” aren’t real, and you know it too…but for some reason, they act like they aren’t lying and we act like we don’t know that they are lying. I guess we’re hoping that just once we’ll call them up and hear “Why yes, we are offering it at that price…and no, we didn’t just sell our last one of those promotions to that elderly woman with the 14 kids and the aroma of vapor rub…and no, you don’t have to pay the out of state leather seat licensing fee that winds up doubling the price…and no, I am not an unscrupulous weasel who would sell his own mother for an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii.”

At Conner Kia, we're so sure you'll buy one of our new "Rad-8" family SUV's that we're offering the "Test Drive Challenge" - if you don't buy one after you test drive it, we'll give you a free bag of Olestra Corn Chips! (Disclaimer: Conner Kia restrooms are not available to the general public - only those purchasing vehicles may use our facilities)