The Inspirational Potty

Sometimes, inspiration strikes us in the oddest of places. For me, it was in the bathroom this morning at 5:40am. Let me apologize for the subject matter up front…I’ll try to be creative in my use of terms to avoid coming right out and talking about what I will be talking about.

Usually, if you go to someone’s house and they have a “guest bathroom” (a bathroom reserved for use by visitors that’s filled with really expensive towels and soaps that you’re not allowed to use, which begs the question as to their purpose – but that’s another blog, another time) they will have some sort of deodorizing spray in there. The reason for having this spray is, of course, to remove any unbecoming odors from the air that are the standard occurrence after one has, umm...how shall we say it…”unloaded a batch of cigars.” These sprays (usually Lysol or Renuzit, although Febreeze is rapidly climbing the charts and is enjoying great popularity right now) always have some sort of very strong scent to them – stuff like “Papaya and Grapefruit” or “Dew-laden meadows full of fresh lilies and recently bathed kittens.” These sprays smell so strong that they can literally choke you, and there is no way that the residual odor left from your, umm… “going boom boom” will be smelled by anyone.

What I’ve noticed though is that people often won’t use the spray. At first I couldn’t understand it, but then a flash of brilliance hit me this morning when I saw the brightly colored can of Lysol sitting on the bathroom shelf. See, when you, umm…“free the chocolate hostages” the last thing you want is for someone to know that you did it. I don’t know why…it’s something we all have to do…but for some reason it’s really, really embarrassing. So you need to take care of the lingering odors, but what you use to do that smells too! If someone were to venture in there shortly afterwards, they would realize that something happened. They would know that your guest bathroom is not, in fact, a “Dew-laden meadow full of fresh lilies and recently bathed kittens” and then they’d know what you had done. It’s like trying to clean up the crime scene and doing too good of a job at it – normally the place is really messy, but now all of a sudden it’s really clean but Fred’s nowhere to be found. When you smell the scented sprays, you know the person didn’t spray them just to enjoy the choking aroma…it was because they went to the bathroom. And not just any ole going to the bathroom…it was the dreaded “deuce”, the “number 2.” So people try to avoid using the spray and seek other means to cover it up.

That’s when I realized the need for an odorless spray – one that will hide odors and yet not leave one itself. That way, you could commit the perfect crime, in a manner of speaking, and no one would be the wise. I bet the person that patents this will make millions of dollars – because none of us wants to do the “walk of shame.”

Huh? What? Oh, that…umm,…(closes the door)…I was just curious about what this smelled like…I’ve never smelled the “Fresh Linen” scent before…thought I’d spray it a little…(hurriedly walks away)