Blinding pain? That means it's working!

I finally figured it out…I now know why using Listerine mouthwash is about as fun as gargling with hot lava.

See, I never understood why, in this age of technology and science, we still have a product like Listerine. Listerine is like a mixture of battery acid and formaldehyde that you’re supposed to rinse your mouth out with. I’m not sure how a product like this ever made it to the market to begin with…imagine having to sell this stuff. “It feels like you are being burned alive from the inside out, but at least you’ll have fresh breath!” Hard to convince people to buy something that makes them feel like you’re holding an open flame to the inside of their mouth.

Given the fact that it doubles you over in pain each time you use it, it seems odd that Listerine is so popular. I’ve often wondered why they haven’t changed it so that I can use it without anesthetic.

And that’s when it occurred to me…the entire reason I use Listerine is BECAUSE it hurts me!

See, the people who make Listerine made a smart marketing decision when they chose to put leftover nuclear material in their product. They make it hurt ON PURPOSE so that you think it’s doing a good job. There are other mouthwash products out there that are probably just as effective, but they taste like melted candy and are pleasant to use…no burning, no watery eyes, no flinching in pain and grimacing. They don’t make you feel like you’re sucking on a hot coal. That’s where they make their mistake! The consumer thinks that these mouthwashes are not as “tough” or “strong” as Listerine simply based on the fact that they don’t hurt you! Listerine hurts and that gives me assurance that it’s doing its job. With Listerine I figure that if it hurts a being of my size that much, imagine what it is doing to the microscopic bacteria in my mouth!

Just thought you’d like to know! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a shower with my Head and Shoulders shampoo that I know is working because it makes my scalp tingle.