"A penny saved is a penny earned a complete waste of time because you can't buy anything with a penny."
"Be prepared...for your day to suck major butt."
"The early bird gets the worm bags under his eyes and a strong desire to nap during the 2 o'clock meeting."
"Idle hands are the devil's workshop hands that are well-rested and have plenty of time to do stuff they actually enjoy doing"
"A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush means someone needs to ask you, 'What in the heck are you doing holding a live bird in your hand?'"
"A stitch in time saves nine." (Is there some hidden wisdom here that only sewing people understand? This sucks by virtue of it's obscurity and you should severely beat anyone who says this to you.)
"Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all that to have married an ugly mean girl with bad breath and a poodle. (Poodles suck, just trust me on this one)"
"You'll never know until you try...just how bad of a failure you can be."
"If at first you don't succeed, try try again you may need to consider the possibility that you're too stupid to accomplish what you have set out to accomplish. Realizing this can save you a lot of heartache and struggle, and many people are capable of living within the limits of their own stupidity and actually become quite comfortable there."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away means at least once a day you could be eating something much more tasty."
"Every man dies - but not every man really lives does it quickly enough."
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and you have fed him for a lifetime hopefully conveyed the message that you're not going to support some lazy, out of work bum who wants to sponge off your hard work. If this loser wants fish, let him catch his own @!#% fish!"
"It takes 47 facial muscles to frown and only 13 to smile...but a look of complete indifference doesn't require any facial movement at all and does just as good of a job of conveying the notion that you want the other person to go away."
"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something." Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
7 comments:
Oh my gosh, Jeremy...I think I have a migraine from laughing so hard and trying to read your blog to my husband at th same time. I have tears going down my face. One day when I come visit Alli and Dean I HAVE to meet you and Regina.
Yeah, you really should...I'm pretty dang cool!
Glad you told me though...I love to know people find it funny!
Emily, Jeremy's head just got 3 x's bigger then is already is thanks to you feeding is ego. The blog writing is good, I did like it, but I am careful not to give him to much on this stuff :) And Mr. Jeremy, I still have Xanga bud and yes we are going to add Zaxby's to the list.
*Adopting a Lucky Day attitude"
Yeah..whatever..that was 5 minutes of my day I'll never get back.
(was that better?)
Don't listen to Dean - losers always complain about how it's wrong to be proud of your accomplishments, but it's only to dull the pain of their own lack of ability.
That was, however, a really nice example of the "Lucky Day Attitude" - in fact, I think my next blog will be all about how to have this attitude...I'll give you credit for coining the phrase Emily!
Woohoo...credit for coining a phrase!
uuuuuuuuuuuuuupdaaaaaaaate!
thanks.
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