Monday morning thoughts

I have, on a few occasions, watched televised figure skating. I DO NOT recommend it. .

We’ve known since grade school about the concept of “not cutting in line.” Yet it never fails…when you have been sitting in line behind hundreds of cards waiting to merge onto another interstate or to exit, some loser will speed past you in the middle lane and right at the front of the line will turn his blinker on and enter the line far ahead of you. You waited your turn like everyone else, but this meathead thinks his time is more important than yours so he skips to the front and breaks the cardinal rule that we have all lived by since childhood. Now, it’s not so much him that I’m mad at – it’s you weak-willed types that LET THEM IN LINE AHEAD OF YOU! Have some courage sissy!

Have you ever noticed how people think that if they wrap a piece of bacon around a particular food that all of a sudden it’s high class? I mean, if you order the shrimp for your main meal, and it does not have bacon wrapped around it, you’ll get like 8-10 shrimp…but if you order it with bacon wrapped around it you get 3 and it comes impaled on a fancy toothpick. It’s just dead pig folks. Why does garnishing your food with the meat of a fat, lazy animal make it top shelf all of a sudden? Maybe if it were like eagle meat* or something that was hard to obtain I could see it, but it’s basically leftovers from breakfast.

*Eagles are one of our most precious species and I would not ever, ever, ever advocate killing an eagle under any circumstances. Not even if I were dying in the wild thousands of miles from civilization and had one land on a crude altar I had constructed from fuselage parts and a fire I started with my last match. I fully respect the rights of this animal as though he were a human being, and bestow upon him all of the constitutional life and liberty you and I are supposed to be able to enjoy but can’t due to special interests, corrupt politicians and whiny Americans.